3 Steps

1)  Notice it:  notice what's happening;  your thoughts, feelings, behaviors, the behaviors of others, etc


2)  Accept it:  accept that it is what it is, and there no other way it could be, wishful thinking will not make it go away or change what has brought you to this moment.

3) Deal with it (effectively):   respond to the situation, don't just react,  do what will work or if it's more effective do nothing.

FB free (for the time being)

I said I would and I did.  Last night I deactivated from Facebook.  I've been on FB since 2008 and it had too much of a hold on me.  I needed a break.   My simple goal is to remain FB free until 2015.  I'm also hoping to read more, learn more and be less dependent on the reinforcement of acknowledgment from 'likes' and comments to posts.
Maybe I will take up guitar again. Doubtful as I have zero talent and no rhythm.   It's shame because I love music.   I'm thinking about bee keeping and have found a 24 episode class on Youtube about the subject.
Turning 50 makes me think more about my life and what it means and what I'll leave behind beyond my children.  Maybe nothing.  Maybe that's ok.

Give full attention or none at all.

http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2014/06/06/give-kids-your-undivided-attention-or-no-attention-at-all/?_php=true&_type=blogs&_php=true&_type=blogs&_r=1

SLEEP....it's important

http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2012/08/13/the-twenty-four-hour-mind-rosalind-cartwright/

Be Kind Be Brave

My son and some others tells me that the writer  Ann Patchett (Bel Canto) spoke at his school this week.  She was apparently very entertaining and funny and easily had the whole student body's attention.   She had two pieces of life advice:

Be Kind

Be Brave

Wow,  it's hard to imagine a more meaningful and  economically stated piece of wisdom.    In effort to connect everything to DBT I would like to point out a couple of things.

Being Kind does not mean  'be nice to people you like'.   Rather it is directing us to show compassion and empathy to those we don't like   That is hard. That means stepping out of our comfort zone,  letting go of judgment,  feeling the discomfort, and connecting with another.  Hard stuff.  But also not without it's rewards. For a moment we let go of our problems, of our suffering and focus compassionately on another.   We step out of our own 'narcissism of the afflicted' and see that the world indeed does not revolve around us.  This is both a true kindness to the other and a true kindness to ourselves.   

Being Brave does not mean have 'no fear'.   To be brave we accept and embrace our fear, as we try to do with all our emotions,  and we let our wisdom direct us.  Bravery and courage would not exist without fear.  The terms would be meaningless.  Any time we step out of our comfort zone we are performing a brave act.  We take the risk, we accept that failure is a real possibility and we open ourselves up to new possibilities.  Being brave is being vulnerable.

Just some thoughts on my way to work today.

Mindfully

EB

Shifting priorities

http://www.salon.com/2013/08/27/the_dematerialization_of_society_in_the_digital_age_newscred/

Shooting the Rapids: Acceptance and Wise Mind

Paddling down a slow moving, deep part of a river,  the paddler is relaxed in her canoe.  Mind  drifting.   It's a beautiful day.
She notices that a few hundred feet ahead now are rapids.  She hears them first.  The sound brings her back to the moment.   Rapids are a delight, part of the reason she loves being on the river,  but also can be treacherous.   She slowly stands.   The river at this point is picking up a little speed but still slow so standing for her is no trouble; she still moves deliberately, staying balanced, to her feet.      She gazes at the rapids ahead.
A feeling of excitement and a little trepidation washes over her.   She acknowledges these feeling, lets them go, and turns her attention back to seeing the rapids,  seeing them as they are,  accepting them and  asking herself  "what is the best way to effectively shoot these rapids?"   She knows from hard experience that just winging it,  hoping that she hits the right angle,  is not particularly useful and often leads to capsizes and worse.  
She's noticed two possible entries.  And now she takes a moment, letting her emotion and her reason come into balance.   She's an experienced paddler ,  despite some reasonable caution,  her wise mind tells her she can take these rapids.   

What's the lesson?

Mindful Gratitude

The medieval German theologian and mystic Meister Eckhart said,

“If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, ‘thank you,’ that would suffice.”
So here we are in this moment, reading this post, and I’m inviting you to do a 1-minute practice of the things in life you’re grateful for.
If your mind is restless and wants to skip past this short exercise, check-in and see if there’s any discomfort.
Sometimes we actually have discomfort when considering what we’re grateful for. In fact, this discomfort can even cause us to skip over the practice of gratefulness altogether.
The result is that we may be denying ourselves the benefits of a practice proven to aid in the experience of life satisfaction and the encouragement of comfortable emotions.
If you experience discomfort, sense into it – allowing this awareness to also become a part of the practice.

Mindfulness quote

"Cultivating mind’s inherent capacity to stay put is called mindfulness training. Mindfulness is like the rope that keeps the wild elephant from destroying everything in sight. The rope of mindfulness bring us back to our immediate experience: to our breath, to our walking, to the book in our hands."--Pema Chodron

What most annoys you about your teen may be what saves them.

http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2012/01/03/144495483/why-a-teen-who-talks-back-may-have-a-bright-future?sc=fb&cc=fp