As we raise children we notice that the environment is 'target rich' for parental intervention. Part of learning to be an effective parent is learning how to discern between what needs to be attended to and what needs to be let alone.
If parents confront every problem behavior they end up exhausted and ineffectual and the child is taught that there is very little to distinguish between mild negative behaviors and serious negative behaviors. Everything becomes a battle.
Learning how to 'pick your battles' is easily talked about but sometimes hard to do. I often teach parents a simple rating system. Parents rate problem behaviors on a scale of 1 to 10. 10 being life threatening and 1 being merely irritating. If a particular behavior rates 6 or higher the parent 'takes action' and is willing to be firm and consistent and use whatever behavior modification skills she or he has learned. If the behavior rates a 5 or less the parents 'lets it alone.' There is no one size fits all solution but this technique can help parents who have become very frustrated at having to consistently get into it with their child or children.
This tactic fits in well with Strategic Parenting addressed elsewhere in this blog. My version is fairly simple but there are other versions of the same idea. One suggestion is Dr. Greene's book, "The Explosive Child." He introduced a slightly more sophisticated version of the same idea. This is also similar to what RIP (Regional Intervention Program) teaches.
Combining this tactic with 'catching your kid being good' is very powerful and usually quite effective.
If parents confront every problem behavior they end up exhausted and ineffectual and the child is taught that there is very little to distinguish between mild negative behaviors and serious negative behaviors. Everything becomes a battle.
Learning how to 'pick your battles' is easily talked about but sometimes hard to do. I often teach parents a simple rating system. Parents rate problem behaviors on a scale of 1 to 10. 10 being life threatening and 1 being merely irritating. If a particular behavior rates 6 or higher the parent 'takes action' and is willing to be firm and consistent and use whatever behavior modification skills she or he has learned. If the behavior rates a 5 or less the parents 'lets it alone.' There is no one size fits all solution but this technique can help parents who have become very frustrated at having to consistently get into it with their child or children.
This tactic fits in well with Strategic Parenting addressed elsewhere in this blog. My version is fairly simple but there are other versions of the same idea. One suggestion is Dr. Greene's book, "The Explosive Child." He introduced a slightly more sophisticated version of the same idea. This is also similar to what RIP (Regional Intervention Program) teaches.
Combining this tactic with 'catching your kid being good' is very powerful and usually quite effective.
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