Punishment is tempting. When our child misbehaves or does poorly in school or worse...lies, cheats, uses drugs etc punishment can have an emotional pay off for us the parents. We get to release our anger and disappointment, and feel as if we are doing something, taking action to fix the problem.
Sometimes punishment is necessary. Punishment is a form of communication. It says that 'this behavior is not acceptable'.
Punishment doesn't work. It doesn't work in the way we hope it will. It will not fix a problem or over the long run change behavior. It may over the short run, briefly.
Punishment can be a sign of 'lazy parenting'. Not to sound harsh, but if a parent is relying on punishment to affect behavior that means that either 1) the parent is not doing the hard stuff; maintaining consistency and constancy, providing a living example of good decision making, creating a healthy family culture and rewarding good behavior or 2) these things are being done only haphazardly.
When punishment is necessary it should be short and meaningful. It should have an beginning and an ending. Punishments should be known before the 'crime' occurs and not thought of in the moment. This ends up with either too harsh punishments or punishments that eventually have no meaning (You're grounded for 6 months!).
The next entry will outline one technique for improving and shaping more positive behaviors.
Sometimes punishment is necessary. Punishment is a form of communication. It says that 'this behavior is not acceptable'.
Punishment doesn't work. It doesn't work in the way we hope it will. It will not fix a problem or over the long run change behavior. It may over the short run, briefly.
Punishment can be a sign of 'lazy parenting'. Not to sound harsh, but if a parent is relying on punishment to affect behavior that means that either 1) the parent is not doing the hard stuff; maintaining consistency and constancy, providing a living example of good decision making, creating a healthy family culture and rewarding good behavior or 2) these things are being done only haphazardly.
When punishment is necessary it should be short and meaningful. It should have an beginning and an ending. Punishments should be known before the 'crime' occurs and not thought of in the moment. This ends up with either too harsh punishments or punishments that eventually have no meaning (You're grounded for 6 months!).
The next entry will outline one technique for improving and shaping more positive behaviors.
