Meeting them where they are

In social work and counseling we are taught and encouraged to meet our clients 'where they are.' This is another way of saying we need to accept our clients where they are. We may wish that they were further along on some imaginary trajectory of progress or growth but that wishful thinking, as in just about all wishful thinking, will lead to trouble or worse. I am frequently guilty of this type of wishful thinking in both my practice and my own parenting. I am constantly having to mindfully reassess and readjust. Yesterday in particular I was working with a client and quite simply I was being un-mindful about what this client needed and where this client was on that trajectory. It was, upon reflection, a real dose of cold water reality for me. I think our next session will be more productive because I will be closer to where my client is.

This can happened with parenting too. I am in the midst of trying to help my daughter learn how to read. Every night we lay down on her bed and I ask her to read, usually a Dr. Seuss book or something similar. Sometimes she does great, sounding out the syllables, putting the sounds together and coming out with the word. Other times she's distracted, looking everywhere but the word and guessing. It's frustrating. I have to take a deep breath, not become reactionary, and be mindful of where she is. It's the end of the day, she's tired and this reading stuff seems an awful lot like work sometimes. But when I step back I also can see that where she is now is probably is where she's supposed to be. My wife's theory about reading is that is seems to suddenly click and they get it. That may be true but until the 'click' happens I am going to keep reminding myself to accept where my little girl is with her reading.

My 12 year old boy is a whole 'nother challenge and that's for another post.

'Enjoy every sandwich' Warren Zevon 1947-2003

Fake It 'Til You Make It

Here's a technique for getting through those moments when you are irritated, coming unglued or just plain losing your cool. It's called 'Half Smile' technique. Try it. Gently raise the corners of your mouth upward. Not too much. Be subtle. Apparently this action will cause biochemical changes that can mediate your mood. Try it. Notice what happens.
The next time your spouse, partner, teen, or toddler is about to drive you nuts, let a gentle secret smile arise and see if the volume dial doesn't get dial back a notch or too.
It beats taking a smoke break.