WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

The Serenity Prayer contains just about all you need to know with regards to making personal change. (If you don't want therapy then check it out, maybe you won't need therapy. Just kidding, every one needs therapy!)

The Prayer has three BIG TRUTHS.

1) The ability (or skill) to SERENELY ACCEPT what 'IS' is huge. I encourage my clients to identify their 'wishful thinking' habits. Fantasizing that 'if only things were different' is a trap and a time waster. It is a version of 'magical thinking'; cute in children but problematic in adults. Usually folks wish for something to be different in somebody else. This refusal to accept what is only keeps us stuck because it prevents us from seeing the one thing we can change; Ourselves.

2) Once we clear away the fantasy of wishful thinking about changing others we are left with looking at ourselves. Boy, that takes COURAGE! Like standing in a full length mirror, naked, without sucking in your gut (I speak from personal experience). To see what really is in ourselves is the second big task in therapy. The irony is before we CHANGE courageously we need to ACCEPT what it is we see in the mirror. THAT is ME; and THAT'S OK. In short, we need to unconditionally love ourselves, harder than it sounds.

3) 'Wisdom to Know the Difference' between what you can change and what you can't is the third major task of therapy. Inevitably what you can change is YOU and not HER or HIM. Once this nugget of TRUTH is recognized a huge amount of garbage can be wiped away, let go of, and the real issues arise. But gaining this WISDOM takes practice, patience and skills. Understanding that we all have EMOTIONAL and REASONABLE parts of our mind is an important skill (brain science is bearing this out btw). Being aware of this tendency can allow us to wait before we make decisions; giving time for our REASONABLE side to 'have a say'. Decisions made only in one or the other state of mind are often regretted. WISDOM can be gleaned when we are aware and listening to both our EMOTIONAL and REASONABLE minds. This IS NOT easy. Mystics spend years trying to achieve this perfect balance. Luckily we don't need perfection to see real progress. Mindfulness meditation is one way to work on this skill (and I teach it to just about all my clients).

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.