Listen Up

For us parents listening is hard. Let's be honest. We think we know what our kids need and want, and so why take the time to sit and listen to them. Actually seeking to understand without interruption or editing. We're busy, we're stressed, we're fixing dinner or paying bills; so who has time to listen. Much less look for the sometimes subtle signs that our kids want to be heard. I am as bad about this as anyone else. I may be taking my son to school with the radio on, or getting home from work and robotically asking 'Do you have any homework?' but not really asking him how are things, what's going on in your life, tell me something about your day. I may be preparing dinner and as my daughter is trying to get my attention I attempt to gently blow her off because 'can't you see, daddy is busy'.

We need to listen. We need to be active in finding those times when our children want our attention to communicate what they think and feel. These moments don't always arrive on a schedule. We need to develop habits of putting our secondary work down and focus on our primary work, developing and growing our children. It takes time and it is inconvenient. By the time our children become middle teens they have picked up our habits and our patterns. They have conformed themselves to our refusal to be distracted by their need to communicate....and they stop communicating. Then it's our turn to complain about how my teen doesn't communicate.

I have to constantly remind myself to turn off the tv, turn down the radio, delay getting dinner started and turn toward my child, sit if I can to look them in the face, and ask them to tell me what they want. And listen. They know I am listening because I am looking at them, my arms are in my lap or at my side, and I can repeat back to them what I just heard them say. I can show my interest in their thoughts and feelings. This pattern, this habit, will pay off big time as they grow up. That doesn't mean that your teen will be 'Mr. Communication' all the time but it does mean that somewhere in there they know how to speak and listen.

So, Listen Up!