Trust is often the topic of the day between a teen and his or her parents. As children develop into adolescents they are also beginning to become more self aware and see that they have their own mind, lives, decisions that are distinct from their parents. For us parents this can be tricky and scary. Regardless of how we yearn for the closeness we had when our baby was, well, a baby, the fact is there is a distance forming; and it's a distance of necessity. Trust means giving our children space to make decisions, learn and grow. It doesn't mean 'letting go' but maybe taking a step back. Being vigilant and aware, but not being quick to fix a problem or overly protect our sweeties from life's edges. As teens grow the natural consequences of their actions should be allowed to play out.
For your child to become an adult they will need to begin to think, decide and act for themselves. They will need space. They will make mistakes, bad decisions and, worst of all, they will place themselves at risk. This period of development, from childhood to adulthood, is adolescence. During this time boundaries change, relationships change and often this change leaves the parent grieving for the child their teen once was. This is an understandable reaction but if it is overly indulged then the parent is likely to over react, creating additional conflict and possibly extreme rebellion/reaction on the part of the teen. This dance of relational position is at times delicate and nuanced and at times thunderous and clanky. But it is a dance, and requires of the parent non-rigid thinking, emotional and intellectual dexterity and a strategy focused on the long term growth and development of the child/teen.
Trust is both given, earned, rescinded, earned back, given again, lost, gained etc etc. Trust is not static. In a crude way the old saying, "Give em enough rope" applies (but not to hang themselves). Give them enough space to learn but be ready to take action if necessary.
For your child to become an adult they will need to begin to think, decide and act for themselves. They will need space. They will make mistakes, bad decisions and, worst of all, they will place themselves at risk. This period of development, from childhood to adulthood, is adolescence. During this time boundaries change, relationships change and often this change leaves the parent grieving for the child their teen once was. This is an understandable reaction but if it is overly indulged then the parent is likely to over react, creating additional conflict and possibly extreme rebellion/reaction on the part of the teen. This dance of relational position is at times delicate and nuanced and at times thunderous and clanky. But it is a dance, and requires of the parent non-rigid thinking, emotional and intellectual dexterity and a strategy focused on the long term growth and development of the child/teen.
Trust is both given, earned, rescinded, earned back, given again, lost, gained etc etc. Trust is not static. In a crude way the old saying, "Give em enough rope" applies (but not to hang themselves). Give them enough space to learn but be ready to take action if necessary.
No comments:
Post a Comment